"The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond"
Episode 4x05 / Production 4x01
Airdate: September 24, 2008
Written by: Josh Berman
Directed by: Jeannot Szwarc
Transcribed by: tearcreek
Disclaimer: The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Hart Hanson, all rights reserved. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Hart Hanson or Fox.
(Interior of an abandoned warehouse.)
TODD: That was great. You were great. So maybe we can do it again?
KAREN: The others are coming, right?
TODD: (hopping up and down a bit) We still got time.
KAREN: What is the matter with you?
TODD: I gotta take a leak.
TODD: It's not my fault they made the GargantuGulps so gargantuous. (He begins to exit).
KAREN: It doesn't seem to bother me any. Microbladder.
TODD: (jogs out of the warehouse. TODD steps up to an evaporation pool and unzips his jeans. He urinates into the pool. We see the water turning purple.) KAREN!
TODD: (yelling) Are you sure I'm the only guy you've ever had sex with?
(We look at the water again. A human hand reaches up out of the purple water.)
TODD: Oh my god. (Two more body parts appear. TODD runs back and we see a torso and numerous other parts have surfaced.)
TODD: KAREN! KAREN!
(Cut to: Int. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital.)
ZACK: As I've told you many times before Doctor Sweets, I do feel remorse.
SWEETS: But not for stabbing a man in the heart.
ZACK: No, for succumbing to the faulty logic that persuaded me that his death was desirable.
SWEETS: You know a sane person would regret murdering someone more than being taken in by a line of crap.
ZACK: Define 'crap'.
SWEETS: Drivel, blarney, nonsense, uh, balderdash, twaddle, bull, bunkum, hooey. Like that.
ZACK: Now I realize it was drivel, blarney, nonsense, balderdash, twaddle, bull, bunkum, hooey. Then I perceived it as logic.
SWEETS: (Goes to stand.) How are your hands?
ZACK: I estimate that I've regained almost 60% full function. Which is not bad for hands that were torn apart by an explosion.
(SWEETS is by the locked door, swiping a key card. A red light denies him access.)
SWEETS: You know you'll only be released from this psychiatric institution (he tries again) if we cure you of your delusions. (He raps on the door.) My card isn't working! Hello?
ZACK: I was wrong, not delusional.
(SWEETS just looks at him. The door is opened by a male ORDERLY in scrubs.)
ORDERLY: Your card must have expired, Doctor Sweets.
SWEETS: (looks at the card) Thank you. (Then at ZACK) Well, perhaps you should consider that your delusion is that you're not delusional.
(Cut to: Int. same abandoned warehouse from teaser.)
BOOTH: How many pieces in total?
AGENT: Twelve. Interesting anomaly, no head.
BRENNAN: No head? That's odd.
AGENT: Which is why I said 'anomaly'.
BOOTH: Hey, you don't need to be snippy with my partner, pal.
BRENNAN: Booth, it's alright. Woah, what's wrong with your back?
BOOTH: Oh, nothing.
BRENNAN: Well you're walking as if you've strained your intertransverse ligament. I might be able to help with that.
BOOTH: No I should never have gone down that small slide with Parker. I'll be fine; it's just nothing, okay?
AGENT: Body parts were found in this evaporation pool.
BOOTH: That's purple!
AGENT: Yeah, kid said it turned purple when he peed in it.
BRENNAN: For future reference, this is more of an anomaly than a missing head.
AGENT: Sad comment on your life, Doc.
BOOTH: Again, snippy. You know, if my back wasn't bad, I would hit you.
BRENNAN: Booth! I can take care of myself. (Beat.) Size of the limbs suggest that our victim is a fully-grown male.
BOOTH: What is with the purple water?
BRENNAN: Hodgins can analyze it.
AGENT 2: Cell phone, Doctor Brennan.
BOOTH: Alright don't tell me, you want the entire purple pond drained and shipped back to the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: No, I think a small sample will do.
BRENNAN: Although... Skulls are heavy; the head could have sunk to the bottom. You are correct. We should drain it.
BOOTH: We're draining it. Drain it. (Muttering) Oh, man.
(Open, Int. Medico-Legal Lab, platform.)
ANGELA: The ends of his fingers look burned.
WENDALL: Sometimes guys try to conceal their identity by losing their fingerprints.
BRENNAN: Mr Bray is my brightest scholarship student.
ANGELA: Alright, these are children's shoes, but they're a size 11.
CAM: So you think our victim was a giant toddler?
BRENNAN: No, that would show up in the bones.
CAM: (to WENDALL) Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.
ANGELA: I tracked down the manufacturer in Sri Lanka, and guess what? Special order.
CAM: Time of death, based on decomp, between two and four days.
BRENNAN: All of the cuts to the skeleton are clean except for several incomplete slices to the C2 Vertebra
WENDALL: Close to cutting off the head, the killer hesitates.
CAM: Makes sense... gets easier after the first chop.
BRENNAN: What did you glean from the x-rays?
WENDALL: Slight spinal curvature, hypermobile extension joints, ah, cartilage deficiency, Ehler-Danlos Syndrome?
CAM: We'll have the FBI check with local orthopedic physicians.
HODGINS: The water turned purple because of a bottom growing algae called lemanea. Something agitated the algae so that it turned purple.
BRENNAN: The young man who found the body urinated in the pool.
HODGINS: Huh, well, average rate of flow for males under forty-five is what, it's 21 milliliters per second, so yeah, yeah that would be enough to disrupt the algae.
CAM: Doctor Hodgins, have you moved yet?
HODGINS: Nope. If you hand me those shoes, I can check for particulates.
BRENNAN: Where is Hodgins moving?
ANGELA: Oh, Cam thinks that Hodgins should move into Zack's Ookey room.
BRENNAN: Oh. Cam's right. I tell all of my grad students not to be distracted by the standard set by Zack.
WENDALL: I don't know who that is.
ANGELA: You and me, Wendell, we need to talk.
(Cut to: transit, Int. Booth's SUV)
BRENNAN: If your back doesn't hurt, then why are you letting me drive?
BOOTH: Well, you know what? Don't get used to it, okay? I heal really, really fast. My guys, they didn't find the victim's head in the pool. Alright? But I put out a bulletin to orthopedic doctors within two hundred miles of the body drop-
BRENNAN: Body parts drop. The victim was killed, chopped up and then dropped. What?
BOOTH: Breaking in a new intern aren't you?
BRENNAN: How did you know?
BOOTH: Well, because, you know, you always get overly precise... that's how I usually know. Hey, so, you want me to uh, talk to them, break them in a little bit?
BRENNAN: No, Booth, you don't need to fix everything for everyone all the time. You know? I can handle myself.
BOOTH: Partners watch out for each other.
BRENNAN: Well, if that were true, you'd let me fix your back.
BOOTH: My back is fine, alright? All I need is an aspirin, a hot bath, maybe a nice single malt scotch. We cross referenced (mispronounced) Ehler-DanlosSyndrome-
BRENNAN: (correcting) Ailers-Donlohs
BOOTH: - those, those kiddy Ange tracked down, okay, we came up with this guy here.
BRENNAN: Oh, Jared Addison, twenty-five years old.
BOOTH: Watch the road!
BRENNAN: What, I am watching the road. I am an excellent driver.
BOOTH: (simultaneously) Twenty-five years old. Oh, well you're not; you're looking at the screen. Well I'm guessing that that's our victim.
(Cut to: Exterior JARED ADDISON's residence. MRS ADDISON rises from her gardening.)
MRS ADDISON: My son was diagnosed with Ehler-Danlosin his teens. Are you sure it's Jared?
BOOTH: (holding up a picture of the shoes) Do you recognize these shoes?
MRS ADDISON: Jared ordered them specially.
BRENNAN: This distinct footwear in combination with Ehler-Danlosand other markers indicate that the remains we found belonged to your son.
BOOTH: We're very sorry for your loss. If you need a moment...
BRENNAN: It would be helpful if we could see your son's room.
(BOOTH and BRENNAN exchange a glance. MRS ADDISON nods.)
(Cut to: Int. JARED ADDISON's bedroom. MRS ADDISON reveals three rows of the same shoes.)
MRS ADDISON: you can see why I recognized the shoes.
BOOTH: Mrs Addison, your son died days ago. Why didn't you report him missing?
MRS ADDISON: I had no idea Jared was missing.
BOOTH: Well he lives here with you, right?
MRS ADDISON: Jared was a novelist. He was finishing a book. He checked into a hotel so I wouldn't bother him. I had no idea anything was wrong.
BRENNAN: Your son was Jared Addison the cult science fiction novelist?
BOOTH: Wait a second; on the back here it says that he lived in the Caribbean on a boat.
BRENNAN: No, that's not your son. (Beat.) Obviously the publisher hired an impersonator and came up with some romantic cover story.]
BOOTH: How'd you know that?
BRENNAN: My publisher wanted to do the same thing with me.
MRS ADDISON: Jared's publisher dropped him after his second book. Jared was feeling a lot of pressure to make this one great, maybe try to get him back.
BOOTH: Listen, Mrs Addison, with your permission I'd like to bring someone in here to take a look over your son's room. You know, an expert.
BRENNAN: W-what kind of expert?
BOOTH: You know, Bones, an expert.
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Hodgins' workspace)
HODGINS: I found coffee grounds, and sea kelp in the treads of the vic’s shoes.
CAM: So, before the giant toddler was killed he was brewing coffee on the seashore?
HODGINS: Yes, that's it precisely. Case closed. Also, I found a tiny fly egg smaller than any of the eggs of any of the flies common to where we found the body parts.
CAM: Where is this fly egg from?
HODGINS: In order to answer that, I have to hatch it.
HODGINS: I'm an entomologist. I have to hatch this insect egg in order to identify an important piece of evidence in a murder investigation. Where's the funny in that?
CAM: I know you're upset about breaking up with Angela, Doctor Hodgins, and I know you're upset about losing Zack, but despite your personal problems, this is a workplace and your attitude leaves a lot to be desired.
HODGINS: Fine, if you want to make a change, you make a change. Otherwise, you let me do my job, and hatch this egg.
(Beat. CAM walks away.)
(Cut to: Int. JARED ADDISON's bedroom.)
SWEETS: These action figurines? They're awesome.
BOOTH: Still living at home there, huh Sweets?
SWEETS: No, I have my own place. And before that, I lived with a woman, alright?
BRENNAN: Was that woman your mother?
BOOTH: Yeah, your mommy?
SWEETS: No, she most definitely was not my mother. (Beat.) If our victim's twenty-five years old, I’d assume he was mentally slow?
BRENNAN: Given the complexity of his novels, I'd estimate his IQ to be higher than yours.
SWEETS: Then Booth is right - something else is wrong.
BOOTH: Ha, full speed ahead Sweets. Alright, let me have it - come on.
SWEETS: It goes without saying! Everything is perfectly aligned. Obsessive compulsive.
BRENNAN: How does this help us?
SWEETS: People with OCD repeat patterns in their lives in order to stave off psychological panic. Now, if we ask which of Jared Addison's set patterns have recently been disrupted... we may very well discover what got him killed.
BRENNAN: No, we can't ask Jared Addison. He's dead
SWEETS: She is WICKED literal, huh?
BOOTH: Okay, hey, it's her process, don't be mean to her.
BOOTH: I'm not defending, I'm just explaining.
BRENNAN: I can defend- you were defending.
BOOTH: I was explaining.
SWEETS: Woah, this is an interesting development in your interpersonal behaviors.
BRENNAN: No, what's more interesting is that Booth's back hurts and he won't let me fix it.
BOOTH: No, none of this is interesting, okay? Look, I just want to know what mojo disrupted crazy boy's pattern.
SWEETS: My first guess? At his age? Sex.
SWEETS: "Crazy boy"'s offensive, by the way.
BRENNAN: His mother didn't mention a girlfriend. (Beat.) What's wrong with him?
BOOTH: Sweets, what are you doing?
SWEETS: I'm putting myself in the mind of an Obsessive Compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory enhancer, a psychosexual proxy.
BOOTH: Right... right... what's that mean?
BRENNAN: Masturbatory aid.
BOOTH: Oh! Check the shoes.
BRENNAN: He's not going to find it in the shoes.
(SWEETS holds up an envelope.)
BRENNAN: Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?
BOOTH: Oh, that's for me to know and you to find out.
SWEETS: Miss Kelly Sutton. There's a phone number, and an email address, and a, a list of sexual suggestions.
BRENNAN: What, you're surprised he has a girlfriend?
BOOTH: Well, I wouldn't exactly call her a girl. (A photograph shows a woman much older than JARED ADDISON's age bracket.)
(Cut to: Int. FBI interrogation room.)
KELLY: I loved Jared. The age difference bothers you?
BOOTH: Well Mrs Addison said that Jared wasn't really all that interested in you.
KELLY: She said that I was pursuing Jared, didn't she? Fact is, Jared wanted to marry me.
(SWEETS and BRENNAN, behind one-way glass)
SWEETS: One study showed that in 45% of successful American marriages, the woman was at least five years older than her husband.
BRENNAN: Older women are sexually experienced and less inhibited-
SWEETS: (mouths) yeah...
BRENNAN: Younger men have a greater sex drive and they can keep up.
SWEETS: I know quite a bit about older women. The woman I lived with was twenty-six, so...
BOOTH: (on the other side of the glass, coughs)
SWEETS: Oh. Sorry. (He turns off the transmitter to Booth's earpiece.)
BOOTH: So, how did you meet?
KELLY: Well I help out my son at his florist and nursery, and Jared came in to buy an orchid for his mother. He was full of anxiety.
SWEETS: (through transmitter) Probably about microbes, Booth.
BOOTH: Oh, afraid of germs?
KELLY: I picked out an orchid and I took it out to his car, and he was very appreciative. And I thought he was just adorable, so I asked him out to dinner and the rest is history. He fell in love with me and I responded.
BOOTH: Jared's mother thought he was at the hotel writing his book, but uh, there's no record of him checking in.
KELLY: He was at the hotel, but for a conference...
BOOTH: Right, with the uh, Science Fiction writers.
KELLY: No, for behavior modification.
SWEETS: If he was trying to overcome his- (turns on transmitter) if he was trying to overcome his psychological issues, that might have threatened her.
BOOTH: With your support.
KELLY: Of course. (Beat.) Look, I only wanted what was best for Jared. I'm not a crazy person.
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Bone Room.)
WENDALL: I've looked at the remains over and over and I can't find any cause of death.
BRENNAN: Without the head, we many never discover cause of death, and without cause of death, it's much less likely that we'll solve the crime.
WENDALL: This fracture, on the right metacarpal in the last two fingers? It's got a nickname. The 'boxers fracture'. It happens if you slug someone without keeping your wrist dead straight. Yeah, so.
BRENNAN: How did you know that?
WENDALL: I fought Golden Gloves when I was a kid. If you x-ray my hand, it don't look much different than this.
BRENNAN: I don't expect anyone to live up to Zack's standards, Mr Bray, but that is extremely good work. (Beat.) Mr Bray, have you ever conducted a sexual relationship with a woman over twenty years older than yourself? (Beat.) I ask because anthropologically speaking, there's a correlation between physically aggressive young males and sexual preciosity.
WENDALL: I'm pretty sure you aren't any twenty years older than me, Doctor Brennan.
BRENNAN: Why would my age be relevant? (Beat.) Very good work on the boxer's fracture. (Exit BRENNAN.)
(Cut to: Int. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital)
ZACK: What did you bring me, Hodgins?
HODGINS: (flips a written equation onto the table) Huh? Try and figure this one out.
ZACK: The lemma on it's own is difficult to solve because the solution changes dependent up on whether or not the subsequent proposition is auxiliary or subsidiary.
HODGINS: So I got you beat, right? Yep, that makes me king of the- (Beat.) - that, that makes me king. (Beat.) We're going to get you out of here someday, Zack, and you can be king again.
ZACK: I know you're lying to make me feel better and not to be malicious.
HODGINS: Want to hear about the case we're working on now? Body in twelve pieces, and get this - no head.
ZACK: So thirteen pieces. (Beat.) The linear function must be bounded before you apply the Riesz representation.
ZACK: The characteristic polynomial of a differential operator is not the same as the characteristic polynomial of a matrix.
HODGINS: You solved it?
ZACK: Yes. I'm king of the loony bin.
HODGINS: Yeah you are. (Beat.) Hey, I got an idea. I'm going to leave the case file with you. It's got all the x-rays so far, all the data. Maybe you'll find something we missed, huh?
ZACK: I've done that many times in the past. (Beat.) Angela says you and she aren't together anymore.
HODGINS: Yeah, y'know.
ZACK: I'm sorry things are going badly for you.
ZACK: Why are you laughing?
HODGINS: My best friend is locked up in a loony bin, wearing gloves because he blew up his own hands, and he feels sorry for me. (He laughs. Beat.)
(Cut to: Int. of a hotel, a behavior modification course.)
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Mud is not dangerous. Mud is not toxic, mud is not poisonous, mud will not hurt you. What you're going to do is you're going to dip your hand in the bucket and you're going to mix it around. Do it!
BRENNAN: Look at the haemotoma on his left occipital. It's what you would call a shiner.
BOOTH: I know, Bones.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Now, take that mud. Rub it on your arms, on your legs, your stomach, your feet, get it in there.
RALPH: No, no, no, I can't do it. I can't.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Look, who's in control, Ralph, you or the OCD?
RALPH: Oh god, oh god, oh god.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Do you want to be ordered around by a disorder?
RALPH: No. I want order, not disorder.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I have been where you are, man. I have felt your fears. Now look at me now, you can do it too. (Ralph runs from the room.) Ralph.
BOOTH: Ooh, we got a runner.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: You think you wanna follow Ralph? All of ya? But you don't want to do that; you do not want to do that. I know, because I'm one of you.
BOOTH: Excuse me. Maybe you would like to follow me, I've a few questions for you.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I'm a professor of Psychology at the University of Maryland. I received a grant to conduct trial research on methods of reforming OCD behavior.
BOOTH: Was Jared Addison one of your students?
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I'm bound by patient confidentiality, I'm sure you understand.
BRENNAN: Jared was chopped into pieces and tossed away into an industrial pool.
BOOTH: Yeah, that's not one of your therapy exercises now is it?
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Oh wow, oh god, yes, yes, Jared was one of mine. He ah, I believe he was making progress despite severe misophobia.
BOOTH: Misophobia, right, and that is...
BRENNAN: The germ phobia.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: He'd hold a flame under his fingertips after shaking hands; he would literally burn the germs away.
BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Jared.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: It was Thursday afternoon. He took off right after we completed the toilet exercise.
BOOTH: You mean he went to the bathroom.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: No. Each participant is required to pick a mint out of the toilet and hold it on their tongue for ten seconds.
BOOTH: Maybe Jared gave you that shiner after you made him suck on a toilet mint.
BRENNAN: We know he struck someone with his right hand.
BOOTH: Yeah, just like this, right there (he strikes out with his fist but doesn't connect.) You see? Right there like that.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I was punched by another participant who had an extreme reaction to the floor licking exercise.
BRENNAN: Is it common for patients to attack you?
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: It happens. There's a lot of stress involved, people break.
BRENNAN: Some people would see what you do as torture.
BOOTH: Yeah, maybe when Jared let you down, you broke.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Let me down? Jared was my star patient! It's a tragedy he died before he could enjoy his new freedoms.
RALPH: (entering) Excuse me.
PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Ah, it's okay Ralph; we'll try again tomorrow.
RALPH: I'm not here to apologies, Professor Amerian; I'm here to confess. I killed Jared. Can you please sterilize your handcuffs before taking me in?
(Cut to: Int. FBI Interrogation room.)
SWEETS: Now I just want to say for the record that you're here of your own volition and have declined legal representation.
(BOOTH and BRENNAN behind one-way glass.)
BRENNAN: Why are you letting Sweets conduct this interrogation?
BOOTH: Crazy guy, shrink, it's a no brainer.
BRENNAN: Are we going to let Sweets interrogate all of our insane suspects?
(SWEETS lifts his hand to his ear.)
BOOTH: (into transmitter) Annoying, isn't it, Sweets?
SWEETS: (Beat.) Why did you kill him?
RALPH: I didn't mean to kill him. The fact is, if I don't eat at exactly 8.14am according to this watch, the person nearest to me dies. Professor Amerian told me not to eat until 9am according to this watch, and Jared was sitting next to me.
SWEETS: You believe that's what killed him?
RALPH: When you lock me up, I should either keep my watch or you should only put me next to terrible people who deserve to die.
SWEETS: Did you by any chance dismember Jared after you killed him?
RALPH: No, I just killed him.
BOOTH: Oh no, we've gotta keep looking.
BRENNAN: If Jared was having breakfast with Ralph, how come he never showed up for that day's session?
SWEETS: Ralph, where did Jared go after you had breakfast together?
RALPH: To the coffee bar in the lobby.
RALPH: To get coffee.
BRENNAN: Hodgins found coffee grounds and sea kelp in the treads of Jared's shoes.
[Int. Hotel Lobby; coffee stand]
BARRISTER: What can I get you?
BRENNAN: A sample of your grounds.
BOOTH: It's garbage, Bones. You don't need a warrant for garbage.
BARRISTER: What's going on?
BOOTH: FBI, Special Agent Booth. Do you recognize this man?
BARRISTER: What did he do, lodge a complaint? Because I never actually hit the guy. I pushed him. On the chest, with maybe two fingers. A nudge.
BRENNAN: Why did you push him?
BARRISTER: The dude had me wash my hands with antibacterial soap before I started on his cappuccino. Then he had me redo it. Three times, because the cup was dirty. On the outside. Which it was not. Look at my cups. Pristine.
BOOTH: So you pushed the dude for insulting your cups.
BARRISTER: No. All of these OCDC people are the same. Complaining. Every day I'm throwing away perfectly good coffee. I'm going bankrupt. He did it to me one too many times and I cracked. Call it a crime of passion.
BOOTH: So was that the last time you saw him?
BARRISTER: Nope, guy came by here the other day, and we made nice. Thursday. He apologized to me; he even shook my hands without putting on rubber gloves. He was like a different guy.
BRENNAN: Professor Amerian's methods were working.
BARRISTER: Oh god, please keep that under your hat. That's all I need is for this place to become the coffee Mecca for the phobics.
[Int. Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office.]
ANGELA: Hey, Wendell, come in. What can I do for you?
WENDALL: You said come to you with questions. (Beat.) I owe people money.
ANGELA: That's not technically a question, so there's not much for me to go on.
WENDALL: What I gotta do is keep my nose clean, graduate at the top of my class and get a good job so I can pay off that debt.
ANGELA: You're worried about getting fired because you can't satisfy Doctor Brennan, right?
WENDALL: ...never mind. [WENDALL exits. ANGELA follows into the hallway]
ANGELA: Wendell, Wendell hold on. You never actually asked me a question.
WENDALL: That guy, the psycho who helped the serial killer?
ANGELA: Could you please not call Zack a psycho? Crazy as it sounds we all still love him.
WENDALL: He was Doctor Brennan's boy toy, right?
ANGELA: What, boy toy... as in sexual? (WENDALL nods. ANGELA laughs.) No. Where did you get- no. Absolutely not.
WENDALL: Plus the FBI guy.
ANGELA: Again, no. Wrong.
WENDALL: Well then she hit on me.
ANGELA: No, I don't think so.
WENDALL: She looked me right in the eyes and asked me if I had any experience with older women. It's like if you want to work around here you gotta-
ANGELA: Wendell, stop. You need to look for some alternative explanation for what you think happened between you and Brennan. And if you can't think of anything than you should just assume you're hallucinating. Or insane. Because she absolutely didn't hit on you. I'm glad we talked. [Exit ANGELA.]
[Int. Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office.]
CAM: You get anything off the victim's cell phone?
ANGELA: I was able to recreate a call list from the sim.
CAM: He only called one number.
ANGELA: Once a day for thirty days at exactly the same time.
CAM: Who is it?
ANGELA: I called the number and recorded the answer.
RECIEVER: Forward Retro Publishing, how may I direct your call?
ANGELA: Does that mean anything to you?
CAM: Yes. Forward Retro is the publisher that dropped Jared Addison after his second book. The one that never wanted to talk to him again.
[Int. FBI interrogation room.]
TUSHMAN: Publishing game has changed. You know what I mean, Doctor Brennan.
BRENNAN: No, I do not.
BOOTH: Well, try me, Mr Tushman.
TUSHMAN: Book-wise it's no longer about good writing, per se, it's about marketability.
BRENNAN: Of the book.
TUSHMAN: Of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
BRENNAN: Because I'm a very good writer.
TUSHMAN: You're serviceable. But your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.
BRENNAN: That's not true is it?
BOOTH: No, of course not. Don't call my partner a "chick". What's the matter with you?
TUSHMAN: Fine, fine, got it. The point is, I had to hire a guy to pretend to be Jared. Book tours, press, the geek flash at the nerd conventions.
BOOTH: This guy (he points to the picture on the back of JARED ADDISON's book)
TUSHMAN: Yeah, CD Howl. The deal I had with CD was to let him write his own stuff and you know what, it was good, he started selling, so I had to choose between Jared and CD.
BOOTH: So you had no contact with Jared Addison after firing him.
TUSHMAN: Absolutely none.
BOOTH: And that's a lie. He called you every day. (BRENNAN lunges at TUSHMAN) Woah, Bones, ow.
BRENNAN: Ask him what happened to his tooth.
TUSHMAN: (Distorted somewhat) Uh, ugh, that's assault. Are your hands clean?
BOOTH: Yeah, my partner wants to know what happened to your tooth.
BRENNAN: Jared Addison punched him.
TUSHMAN: I admit to that cause and effect situation.
BOOTH: Why'd he punch you?
BRENNAN: Probably because he said Jared was a bad writer.
TUSHMAN: I didn't kill Jared, but you think I did because of a minor physical altercation.
BOOTH: Okay... go ahead. You know what? Explain yourself.
TUSHMAN: Jared came into my office and he told me he was cured of his OCD, he mentioned toilet candy... uh. He said he was willing to go out on the road, hustle the book however I wanted, I told him I wasn't interested, I'd heard it all before, and then he clapped me one. Didn't hurt either, and then I told him that I would take on his book.
BRENNAN: Why did you change your mind after he hit you?
BOOTH: So if I punched you, you'd read my manuscript?
TUSHMAN: Jared hit me. With his bare hand. The old Jared Addison would have never done that.
BRENNAN: You believed he was cured.
TUSHMAN: Can you imagine the sales I'd have gotten off of revealing the real Jared Addison? Mm. I'd have made a fortune.
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, HODGINS' workstation)
CAM: Doctor Hodgins,
HODGINS: Shhh. My egg from the victim's shoes is hatching.
CAM: You need quiet for that.
HODGINS: No, I just thought it might stop you from talking.
CAM: Pushing it, Doctor Hodgins, how's about we say you've found the line? (A beat. HODGINS concedes)
HODGINS: This fly might tell us where Jared Addison was murdered. Oh, look, look, look, look. Hey there, little buddy. This is a white fly. It only lives in very warm, humid climates.
CAM: Jared Addison's old lady girlfriend used to work in a nursery.
HODGINS: Hey, Doctor Saroyan? I'm not moving into Zack's space. I'm not being difficult, I just, I can't do it. I hope you understand.
CAM: I understand. I thought you being the one who moved in there would be easiest for Zack.
HODGINS: Well, if he were a normal human, that might be true, but...
CAM: (laughs) Yeah.
(Cut to: Int. Crown Diner)
ANGELA: Okay, here's the thing. This new guy, Wendell? He might be nuts.
SWEETS: Hey Angela. Pickle?
ANGELA: He thinks Brennan hit on him.
SWEETS: Why does he think that?
ANGELA: He says she asked him if he was interested in having sex with an older woman. Which is impossible. Which I set him straight about, in no uncertain terms believe you me.
SWEETS: I'm certain she did exactly that.
ANGELA: No no. I've known Brennan for years, and there's no way, believe me she had a-
SWEETS: Our murder victim was twenty-eight years younger than his girlfriend. Doctor Brennan was probably looking for insights in her, you know, clumsy yet endearing way. You might want to let Wendell know that you've misjudged him. In no uncertain terms.
ANGELA: Huh. Well Wendell also says that he owes a lot of people a lot of money. And that he really needs this job. Like, the mob or something.
SWEETS: Oh, no, no, no. Unless it's rampant paranoia, not my jurisdiction. But on the other thing I'm solid.
ANGELA: You know, the last time I listened to you, you broke up me and Hodgins.
SWEETS: Angela. That wasn't my fault. I think you know that.
ANGELA: Yeah. (Exit ANGELA).
SWEETS: (Softly.) Yeah.
(Ext., MR SUTTON [KELLY SUTTON's SON]'s nursery.)
BOOTH: Okay, what do you think?
BRENNAN: Yeah, what do you think?
HODGINS: Oh yeah. This is definitely an environment conducive to white fly. (He lets out a long whistle) I'll start taking some samples.
SUTTON: Can I help you?
BOOTH: Yeah, FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. We have a warrant here to search the premises.
SUTTON: Is this about Jared Addison's murder?
BOOTH: Yup. (Beat. BRENNAN reaches down into compost) No no, Bones, don't touch that. You know there's tons of disgusting stuff and chemicals in that-
SUTTON: Not here, our fertilizer’s 100% organics. My own blend.
BOOTH: Yeah, I bet. (BRENNAN puts some fertilizer on her tongue) Oh, there you go, now you're going to get sick, your stomach going to go upside down, it's going to be a mess.
BRENNAN: Sea kelp and coffee grounds. Jared Addison was here shortly before he died.
SUTTON: Jared was my mom's boyfriend. Heavy emphasis on the "boy".
BOOTH: Yeah, well, we heard that this place kinda freaked him out.
SUTTON: All the germs, yeah, but he was here. I don't know if it was the dirt that made him squirm or the question but the kid toughed it out.
BRENNAN: What question?
SUTTON: He wanted my permission to marry mom.
BOOTH: And what was your answer?
SUTTON: I told him I thought it would be creepy to have a stepfather who was ten years younger than me. I told him he should forget about it and try to be normal.
BRENNAN: You told him "no".
SUTTON: I said no, he could not have my blessing. (Beat.) He was lucky I didn't conk him on the head and chop him up for fertilizer, but I didn't.
HODGINS: White flies. I'll do some lab work, but they look to be the exact strain that I hatched at the lab.
BOOTH: I'm sorry, but did you say you did conk him on the head?
SUTTON: I said I didn't.
BRENNAN: Flies on the shovel.
BOOTH: Oh. We know that flies are attracted to manure, blood.
BRENNAN: The flies are mostly on this shovel. It follows that there should be something different about this one. Will that warrant let me test the shovel?
BOOTH: Well, yeah. It's out in the open, so it's fine.
BRENNAN: I'm going to use phenolphthalein. It'll tell us if there's blood present on the shovel. (BRENNAN swabs the shovel and dips it in phenolphthalein. The liquid turns pink.)
SUTTON: What's pink mean?
HODGINS: It means you caved in Jared Addison's skull.
BRENNAN: And/or removed his head.
BOOTH: I'm going to have to ask you to close up shop and take you downtown. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you.
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab upstairs walkway. WENDELL stands with a cigarette in his mouth.)
ANGELA: Somebody as smart as you should know better.
WENDELL: Oh I don't smoke, I just... I don't smoke.
ANGELA: So... You weren't totally wrong about Doctor Brennan.
WENDELL: I can't risk having sex with my boss. Like I said, I got debts.
ANGELA: No, no. Not totally wrong, I said. When she asked you about your experiences with older women, her interest was anthropological.
WENDELL: She was looking me right in the eyes.
ANGELA: She's direct. And awkward. Now, you've got two choices here. You either answer the question, like me or Zack, or you tell her she's being inappropriate, like Booth or Cam. Either way, she's not going to hold it against you.
WENDELL: You're sure about this.
ANGELA: Yeah. Frankly I'm more worried about the money owing thing.
WENDELL: I can pay my debts.
ANGELA: Yeah but you can't work on legal cases if the wrong kind of people have leverage on you, right?
WENDELL: Wrong kind of people? What's that supposed to mean?
ANGELA: Oh, no, I'm trying to help, Wendell, it's not-
WENDELL: No, no, if they're the wrong people, then so am I.
ANGELA: Could you please not yell?
WENDELL: My whole neighborhood ponied up to send me to school. They're working people. They make money with their hands. I need to pay them back.
ANGELA: Oh! I... I, I thought you owed the mob money. Like, we're working on a mob case and you owe the mob money. (They both laugh.)
WENDELL: I don't owe the mob money.
ANGELA: Yeah, see the problem?
WENDELL: And I don't smoke. When I gotta think, I ask myself what my dad would've done. You know, he smoked all the time. Holding this cigarette, it's stupid, okay, but it helps me get into his head. But he died of lung cancer, so I do not smoke.
ANGELA: Wow, Wendell. Once you start talking, it's... wow.
WENDELL: I don't get you people. I'd like to work here but it's like a minefield. Too many ways to step wrong.
ANGELA: I admit, it takes some getting used to. Good luck. [Exit ANGELA]
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Platform)
CAM: It wasn't blood. On the shovel, it wasn't blood.
BOOTH: Bones' magic juice didn't work.
BRENNAN: No, phenolphthalein is not magic.
HODGINS: It's an indicator that reacts with-
WENDELL: -Potato protein.
HODGINS: Yeah, fenalphaline turns pink in the presence of potatoes.
BOOTH: I locked the guy up because of potatoes.
BRENNAN: He might have done it, Booth. But we all know that without the victim's head we aren't likely to solve this murder.
HODGINS: Well maybe Wendell here missed something in the bones.
WENDELL: I didn't.
ANGELA: Don't blame Wendell; he's doing very well.
HODGINS: I just wish Zack were here, that's all.
BOOTH: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back.
ZACK: I know where to find the victim's head.
CAM: (Beat.) This is not good.
BRENNAN: How did you get out?
ZACK: You don't appear happy to see me.
BOOTH: Oh, we're not.
BRENNAN: Well I am! I really am! Zack!
HODGINS: Hey buddy!
CAM: Well I doubt he got a weekend pass.
BOOTH: Zack, how'd you get out?
ZACK: Doctor Sweets helped me.
ANGELA: Oh well then I totally change my mind about Sweets. I now love him.
CAM: Does Doctor Sweets know that he helped you?
ZACK: No. (To BRENNAN) You're hurting my arm.
BRENNAN: Oh, sorry.
BOOTH: Alright Zack, you're with me and Bones. The rest of you, go play with your microscopes or whatever it is you do. Let's go, Bone Room, now. March.
BRENNAN: Come on.
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab Bone Room)
ZACK: Everything in the room is organized in sets of twelve. A dozen shoes in the closet, a dozen action figures on the shelf, a dozen pencils in the pencil holder. Even books are grouped by the dozen.
BOOTH AND BRENNAN (simultaneously): I should have noticed that.
BRENNAN: Sets of twelve must be a manifestation of Jared Addison's OCD.
ZACK: I did an analysis of his novels. There's no recurring sets of numbers. Only recurring images of germs and fear of microbes.
BOOTH: Okay then what is with the number twelve.
ZACK: They live at twelve kindergarten street. Kindergarten has twelve letters. Alphanumeric is also a twelve letter word by the way, but I suspect that's just ironic.
BOOTH: Okay, this side of him? I don't miss at all.
ZACK: Books, CDs, everything. It's always twelve. In the yard, everything comes in twelve. Paving stones, plants. Decorative rocks, gnomes. Always twelve.
BOOTH: Well Jared Addison wouldn't have been gardening - he's germaphobic.
ZACK: Even his name - Jared Addison. Twelve letters.
BRENNAN: Well he didn't name himself, his mother did.
BOOTH: His mother has OCD too?
ZACK: That's the most reasonable conclusion.
BOOTH: But the body was found in twelve pieces not counting the head. Why?
SWEETS: The incomplete saw marks on the C2 vertebra were hesitation marks. She couldn't deal with the part of the body that was her child's face. You. You used me to escape? (ZACK nods.) How?
ZACK: Your card.
BOOTH: Sweets, one crime at a time - murder first. Okay, why'd she kill her son?
SWEETS: He was overcoming his disorder. Jared Addison was ready to take control of his professional life. He'd found love, and was ready to leave her house. It wasn't just his patterns he was destroying. It was hers. And as a result, she suffered a psychotic break and murdered her own child. (Beat.) You know, I still have my card.
ZACK: I swapped out the magnetic strip, with loony bin library card.
SWEETS: Wait, that's why it didn't work?
BOOTH: Zack. Where is Jared's head?
ZACK: Everything comes in twelves. Everything, except for this. (He points at a birdbath.)
(Montage. Set Free by Katie Gray plays. Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. Booth serves a warrant to MRS ADDISON, FBI swarm the yard. Cut to Int. Crown Diner. HODGINS, ANGELA, CAM and ZACK sit in a booth talking and laughing inaudibly. Cut to Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. The birdbath is dug up. Cut to Ext. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital. SWEETS paces and looks at his watch. Cut to Int. Crown Diner. The team continue to enjoy ZACK's presence. Cut to Int. Medico-Legal Lab, platform. WENDELL walks down the steps. Stops. Glances back. Continues. Cut to Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. A box is recovered. On the lid are the words 'Jared Addison'. Inside is the skull of Jared Addison. Cut to Int. Crown Diner.)
CAM: Well, Zack was right.
ANGELA: Of course he was.
CAM: As always.
ZACK: Time to go. (Beat. He rises.) I should get back.
(Ext. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital. BOOTH and ZACK arrive outside the gates in an SUV.)
BOOTH: Okay. Yeah, come on, let's go. Come on, easy.
SWEETS: What took so long?
BOOTH: Relax, Sweets, okay? He's all yours.
SWEETS: Wait, ah, I thought we'd do this together.
BOOTH: Look, just walk him back through the front door okay. Don't look guilty, and if anyone asks, you took him for electroshock. Alright? (to ZACK) Don't. Escape. Again. You got it Zack? You figure out who a killer is, you call me or Doctor Brennan. (Beat.) Not Sweets. Alright? (Beat.) Yeah.
SWEETS: Wait. What if he... I don't know, what if he overpowers me or...
ZACK: I'm much stronger than I look.
SWEETS: He's done it before. He killed a man.
BOOTH: Okay, Zack, promise you're not going to kill Sweets.
ZACK: I promise.
BOOTH: There you go.
SWEETS: Yeah. Yeah.
BOOTH: There you go! I've got great seats to the Capitals. (Exit BOOTH.)
SWEETS: If we bump into anybody, let me do the talking.
ZACK: I haven't actually literally done it before, you know.
SWEETS: Had sex?
ZACK: Ended someone's life. Why doesn't anyone ever believe I've had sex?
SWEETS: (Beat.) Y-you confessed to plunging a knife into a man's chest.
ZACK: No, I said I killed him. Which I did - I told the Master where to find the man.
SWEETS: But you didn't... plunge a knife into the man’s chest?
ZACK: It wasn't me.
SWEETS: Zack! Why did you confess?
ZACK: I would've done it. If the Master had asked, I would have done it.
SWEETS: No, no, you don't know that. People have no idea if they're capable of ending a life until they're put in that situation. (Beat.) In all of our sessions, I've had question marks because you, at heart, are not a killer. I gotta, I gotta tell Doctor Brennan (he punches a number into a cell phone) and Booth.
ZACK: You can't tell them, because I'm your patient, and you're not allowed. Ethically.
SWEETS: Zack, don't you want your friends to know that you didn't kill anyone?
ZACK: I'm still an accessory to murder. If you tell them, they'll take me out of here and put me in prison. Hodgins assures me I would not do well in prison.
SWEETS: Okay, what about the person that actually did commit the murder? He's still out there.
ZACK: No, the Master killed him, so he could recruit me. There could only ever be two.
SWEETS: You have to let me tell the truth.
ZACK: You can't tell anyone without my permission. (Beat. SWEETS nods.) We should go in. I don't want to get you into trouble. (Exit ZACK. SWEETS sighs. Exit SWEETS.)
(Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, BRENNAN's office. She drops leafs of paper into a garbage can.)
BOOTH: What are you doing?
BRENNAN: Throwing out my book.
BOOTH: It's still on your hard-drive, right?
BRENNAN: Nope, not any more it's not.
BOOTH: You erased it?!
BOOTH: Woah. Woah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.
BRENNAN: But I don't want to be a writer any more.
BOOTH: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot, did you see his glasses?
BRENNAN: But I don't wanna be a sexy scientist.
BOOTH: Well that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are. (He reaches down to pull out the pages.) Oh god, this is just. This it not good for the back. (Beat.) Suspenseful, and chilling. Temperance Brennan leads the pack. Anthropology has never been more exciting.
BRENNAN: You memorized my reviews?
BOOTH: Angela can scan these, and get them back on your computer.
BRENNAN: You know my reviews, Booth, but do you read my books?
BOOTH: Every single word.
BRENNAN: You never said anything.
BOOTH: Well I figure you know, I'm all over your real world, why would you want me in your fantasy world too? (He offers her the manuscript. After a pause, she takes it.)
BRENNAN: I can appreciate that.
BOOTH: You see? How this works, huh? It's give and take. We're partners, huh?
BRENNAN: Except you won't let me fix your back.
BOOTH: Oh, come on, my back is fine, it's just-
BRENNAN: (Stands) Oh really?
BOOTH: Ohnohah. Okay, how do I know you're not gonna like, paralyze me or make it worse?
BRENNAN: I also help you by explaining a lot of things to you. (She stands behind him.)
BOOTH: Yeah, well you know, I explain things to you just as much as you explain things to me. (BRENNAN winds her arms under BOOTH's shoulders and places her hands on the back of his neck.)
BRENNAN: Well, my things are more important. (She pulls back.)
BOOTH: That's debatable, WOAH. OW.
BRENNAN: Ah, necessary pain.
BOOTH: Yeah, necessary. Ah, the way you really help me is, is, you let me be a guy. (BRENNAN rotates him.)
BRENNAN: I help you be a guy?
BOOTH: Yeah, you know, it's a guy's thing to fix things and make them right. When I fix things I feel like I am one with the universe. (BRENNAN hooks him below the spine.) Oh! Ah. Woah! God! That's amazing. How'd you do that?
BRENNAN: See? We help each other. Quid pro quo.
BOOTH: I know what that means, quid pro quo.
BRENNAN: I'm sure you do.
BOOTH: I know a lot of things.
BRENNAN: Well, you didn't know what misophobia meant.
BOOTH: Well you didn't know that you could just take coffee grounds because it's garbage; you don't need a warrant for that.
BRENNAN: I sort of knew that, I just was making sure that that was..